Savvy “Okay, give me three more squats, and you are done for the day Jess,” I said to my client of 6 months. “Oh, thank the Lord. I hate leg and b**t day,” she said. Sweat dripping from her hairline and running down her face. “You said you wanted to get your body back after having Xander.” “You’re right, you’re right. I am extremely grateful that you have worked with me these last 6 months, and have gotten me back to pre-Xander weight. John hasn’t been able to keep his hands off me. Trust me, I am grateful, I just hate squats.” I chuckled. Not many people loved them. When she was done, I handed her a towel so she could wipe the sweat from her face. My eyes moved across the gym and I landed on my husband Brian. He was lifting weights while he waited for his next client. I smiled. 2 years of marriage have been superb with him. He’s very attentive, we have decent s*x, I just wish it was a little more adventurous, but he makes me feel loved. “Your man is looking mighty fine,” Jess said to me. “That he is. Tomorrow is our third anniversary. I think I am ready to have a baby. So I will be telling him that. He’s been begging me. He wants to be a daddy so badly.” “Oh, that’s so great, Savvy. I think you two would make great parents. I saw you with Xander when John came and picked me up. Your eyes lit up when you saw him.” “He’s a great kid, Jess. So cute and bubbly. He’s always got a smile for me.” “He knows when a person is good. You’re one of his favorite people.” I smiled at that. Xander was the cutest 9-month-old I have ever seen, with his curly red hair, and cute little freckles across his nose. He had a jovial giggle for me every time I saw him. “Okay, well, today was your last session. Would you like to sign up for another 6 months, or are you confident enough now to continue with your fitness journey on your own?” “I think I am ready to do it on my own. You’ve given me a great workout routine, and have given me a phenomenal nutrition plan. I feel confident in my abilities,” Jess said, proudly. “Fantastic. Well, if you ever need any help, don’t hesitate to ask,” I said, giving her a hug. I always hate losing a client that I have grown attached to, but I felt proud when they gained the confidence to do it on their own, because I helped with that. We waved at each other as she left. I went to the gym office and put her file in the black filing cabinet where I put all my finished clients. Brian came into the office and smiled. He walked up to me and gave me a peck. “Hey doll. Having a good day?” He asked me. “I’m having a great day. I just finished with Jess. She’s ready to start working out on her own. I feel really accomplished.” “Great job, babe. I have a client soon. But then nothing after. Do you want to grab something for dinner, or do we need to stop by the store to get stuff?” “Let's go to Randy’s. I’d love a chicken salad sandwich and some sweet potato fries,” I said. “Okay, are you done with clients for the day?” “Yep. I’m going to wipe down some equipment, finish some paperwork, and then go take a quick shower.” “Alright, see you in two hours?” “Yep, love you,” I said. “Love you too.” Two hours later, we were sitting at Randy’s digging into our food. I watched Brian shovel steak and sweet potato fries into his mouth like his meal was going to disappear on him. I smiled. His brown hair had gotten long enough that he had it in a stubby ponytail. His brown eyes stared at me as I ate. I could see the love in his eyes. His chiseled jaw worked as he chewed. His l**s glistened, and I couldn’t help but stare at them. He was so good-looking. He had that boy next door look. Clean-shaven, ripped body. I could feel my hormones revving up. “You’re looking at me, like I’m your next meal,” he smirked. “Maybe, because when I get you home, I want to taste you,” I said, huskily. “Babe, f**k you’re giving me a*******n.” I bit my lower l*p and looked at him through my eyelashes. I knew he loved it when I did that. “f**k, we need to get out of here.” He quickly paid the check. We practically ran out of the restaurant. He raced home, luckily it was only a fifteen-minute drive. As we pulled onto our street, we saw a moving van. Its back end blocked our driveway, so we parked on the street. I was ready to run into the house so we could f**k like rabbits, but when I looked at Brian, he had a curious look on his face as he looked next door. I followed where he was looking, and I saw a little girl in the yard playing with a hula-hoop. Brian started to walk over and I sighed. Guess we were meeting the new family moving in. “Hi, that’s a really cool hula-hoop,” Brian said, as I stepped up next to him smiling as I saw how cute the little girl was. She had pigtail braids in her honey blonde hair. She had pretty blue eyes and a cupid bowed mouth. Her l**s were so pink, they looked like she was wearing lipstick, but I knew it was all natural. She was way too young to be wearing makeup. She stared at us with a small smile and waved a little. “I’m not really supposed to talk to strangers,” she whispered. I smiled widely. She was adorable. “Well, I’m Savanna, but you can call me Savvy, and this is my husband Brian, or Bri, if you like. We live next door. I bet we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, so soon we won’t be strangers.” “I guess you’re right. I’m Emmy. Well, really it’s Emily, but mommy calls me Emmy or baby. But I’m not a baby, I’m 7.” “Well, Emmy, what's your mommy and daddy’s name?” Brian asked. “Mommy’s name is mommy. I don’t have a daddy. Mommy said, he is a no good b*****d that doesn’t know a good thing when he has it.” I stifled my giggle and bit my l*p hard. I looked at Brian knowing he was probably doing the same thing, but he wasn’t suppressing a laugh. No, he looked sad. I knew why. He grew up in a single-parent home. His dad died when he was 9 and his mother raised him, never marrying again. She had a shrine in her house for her husband. She has told me numerous times, no man could ever compare to her late husband. “Oh, well, where’s your mommy now?” I asked. “She’s in the house. Mommy!” She yelled. I looked at the front door and watched as a stunning blonde in a yellow tank top and short jean shorts walked out. She had the body of a p*rnstar, her brests were huge, her body was fit and tight and her legs went on for days. She was perfectly tanned. As she got closer, I saw she had bright blue eyes, and she smiled with blinding straight white teeth. I’ve always been confident in my looks. I have wavy long black hair, whisky-colored brown eyes, light brown, flawless skin, thanks to my spanish heritage, a tight fit body from being a fitness instructor, and my curves were in all the right places. My b**t was round, high and firm, my brests were a nice handful, at least that’s what Brian tells me. But I always felt I was a little on the short side at 5’5, especially compared to the modelesque person in front of me. She was easily 5’10. “Hi, I’m Sherry,” she said, as she came towards us. She held out her hand towards Brian, when she greeted us. “Hello, I’m Brian and this is my wife Savanna,” Brain said, shaking her hand. She looked at me and I saw she sized me up fast before holding her hand out to me. I gave her a polite smile and shook her hand. “Hi, your daughter is adorable,” I said to her. “Thank you. I had her young, at 18. Her daddy decided he didn’t want to be one, so he left us before she was born. Emmy and I have been on our own, and we prefer it that way. Don’t we, sweetie?” She called out to Emmy. “Yep, we don’t need a no good b*****d with us.” “Oops,” Sherry giggled. I smiled and looked at Brian. He was staring at Sherry, and it gave me an uneasy feeling in my chest. “If you need any help with anything, all you have to do is ask, and I would be happy to help. If you need something fixed, or maybe if you need help with Emmy, I’m sure Savvy would have no trouble watching her, right hon?” He asked, looking at me with an encouraging smile. “Um, right. Yeah, sure no problem,” I rambled. “Oh, you two are the sweetest. How long have you been married?” “Oh, not long, just two years,” Brian said. Like we just met or something. I looked at him with furrowed brows. “Oh, that’s not long at all. Have you been together long?” “We’ve been together for four years. Brian hired me at the gym he manages. We are personal fitness instructors. We dated for almost a year before we got married. Tomorrow is our three-year anniversary, in fact,” I said. “Oh, well, that’s so nice. I should be getting back to moving our stuff in.” “Do you need any help?” Brian asked. What the f**k? Weren’t we about to have s*x? “Oh, no. I’m almost done. Just a few more boxes. Then I have to return this van.” “Well, okay, it was nice to meet you,” Brian said. We waved and went into the house. I was about to put my arms around him so we could get back to having some s*xy time, but Brian went straight to the living room and sat down. “I feel bad for her. Having to raise a child on her own. We’ll have to befriend her, so she doesn't feel so alone.” “Um, okay,” I said, confused. “You don’t know what it’s like to have just one parent in the house. Yours are still together. I bet her and Emmy are lonely. We have to be there for them,” he said, earnestly. He then got up and walked out the door. What the h**l just happened?

Savvy Dear Diary Today was the day my marriage started falling apart. We took the day off. We were supposed to celebrate our 3-year anniversary with a day of hot monkey s*x and a nice dinner. But instead, the moment we got up and out of bed, Brian dressed and went next door. He didn’t tell me he was doing that. I went to the kitchen to make breakfast. When I was done, I called for him, but all I got back was silence. I searched our house, but couldn’t find him. Then I heard giggling. I looked outside and there he was. He was playing in the yard with Emmy, our new next-door neighbor's daughter. Sherry, her mother, was sitting on her front porch watching them run around. I went outside to let Brian know I had made breakfast, and he informed me he had already eaten. He had eaten breakfast with Sherry and Emmy. I was stunned. While he kept running around the yard with Emmy, I looked at Sherry. She smirked at me and waved. I just turned around and went back inside. I had lost my appetite. I dumped the pancakes I made, threw the bacon in a baggie and put it in the fridge. I did the dishes. He still hadn’t come inside. I went upstairs and showered. By the time I had gotten dressed, he was finally home. I was hurt. So when I saw him sitting on the couch watching TV. I sat next to him and asked him what the h**l? He looked at me like I was crazy. He asked what had gotten into me. And I lost it. I said it was our anniversary, we are supposed to spend time together, just us, and he acted like I was being selfish. He said I needed to understand that there were other people in the world that needed attention, not just me. I was stunned. It was our fking anniversary. Am I wrong to feel hurt? ************************************************************* For two weeks I have been furious with my husband. He had been a totally different man since Sherry and Emmy had moved in next door. Anything Sherry needs Brian has provided. He used our own money to spend on her and Emmy. Brian gave her his number, and they texted back and forth all the time. Every time she texts, he gets a smile on his face. I asked what they were talking about, and he told me it was nothing. Just them chatting about their days, and that he was mostly talking to Emmy. Sherry texts and he goes running over there. Sherry needed her sink fixed, or her stair railing was loose. Her toilet was clogged, she needed a light bulb change. A fking light bulb. He paid for all the repair stuff too. Emmy accidentally put a hole in the wall, so he went to the hardware store to get the stuff to fix it. He tells me we can afford it because we are a two-income family, and Sherry is by herself. When we leave for work in the morning, there’s Sherry waving at us, and telling us, or really Brian, to have a good day. I’ve seen him texting on his phone at work, and ignoring his clients as they worked out. When he hired me, he told me specifically that there was no phone use when with a client. That the client was our sole focus. But now his phone has been in his hand all day. He’s canceled clients a few times, because he had to go pick Emmy up at school, because Sherry wasn’t feeling well, or she had a job interview. He even texted me on those days to find my way home, because he couldn’t come back to get me. Those days when I had to find my way home, I’d find out that he’d already eaten dinner with Sherry and Emmy. I tried talking to him, to tell him that I was feeling uncomfortable with all the time he was spending with Sherry and Emmy. He would scoff at me and tell me I was being selfish. That they were alone, and it was clear that Emmy needed a strong male role model, and Sherry just needed some help. In the last two weeks he’s only touched me twice, and in those two times, it was just a wham, bam thank you ma’am. He would finish but I wouldn’t. He didn’t even notice when I would get out of bed and just finish myself off in the shower. By the time I got done, he’d already be asleep. A month after Sherry moved in, I noticed Brian had started to neglect our house. When we got a house together, he made it clear that I would do the cooking, since I was a better cook than him, and he would take care of the cleanup. If I did the laundry, he would do the yard work, although I helped him with that, because I loved my flower beds. We would both clean the bathrooms and dust, wash the walls, etc. Except now, I was doing everything well, except cooking for the two of us, because more often than not, he had already eaten with Sherry and Emmy. I was never invited, it was always just the three of them. I changed the light bulbs in our house. I unclogged the toilet. When our garbage disposal went out, I told him about it, and he said he would get to it. Only he never did. By the second month, I decided to start fixing the house myself. I Y*uTubed how to fix a garbage disposal. So I followed the step-by-step instructions, and was so proud of myself that when I went to tell Brian, he was nowhere to be found. Well, not in our house at least. No, he was next door. So I kept it to myself. Next, I fixed our kitchen light fixture that shorted out. Y*uTube for the win again. I started mowing the yard, patching up the holes in the house, and catching a little critter that had somehow gotten inside. For the next few months, it was just me. No matter how often I voiced myself to Brian, he refused to listen. He kept telling me that he had to help them. He felt compelled to. I phoned his mother and complained to her. She was pissed and phoned Brian. “I can’t believe you called my mother, all because I am helping out a single mom and her child,” he raged at me. “You sure she’s single, Brian? Because for the last five months, she’s had my husband at her beck and call? Tell me, have you slept with her yet? Because you aren’t sleeping with me? We haven’t hа'd sex in four and a half months!” “Are you serious right now? Of course, I haven’t slept with her. I’m a married man, Savanna. You are being ridiculous.” “Am I? How would you feel if a single father moved in next door? How would you feel if I spent all my time with him, cooking for him, cleaning for him, doing his shopping and laundry for him?” “He wouldn't need your help. Single fathers have all the advantages and knowledge to do those things. Women don’t really do the fixing of things around the house. That’s why Sherry texts me, so I can help her with those things.” “Seriously? Women can’t learn how to do those things? I’ve learned how to do those things. How do you think the garbage disposal got fixed, or the light fixture in the kitchen? I did that.” He glared at me. “Stop being selfish. You don’t have a kid to look after!” Pain shot through my chest. “Well, maybe I would, if my husband paid attention to me,” I said. “Jesus, Savanna. You act like I don’t love you.” “Well, it hasn’t really felt that way. You totally blew off our anniversary. We didn’t celebrate it. You haven’t touched me, you haven’t spent any time with me. I feel unloved and neglected.” “You’re being a beаch. A selfish one at that. I can’t believe you right now.” With that, he got up from the couch and slammed out of the house. I heard his truck roar to life and he sped off. Tears ran down my face. Never has he ever talked to me like that. I felt like my life was falling apart. I felt like my husband was falling out of love with me. I felt like my husband was in a relationship with the woman next door and that I was the other woman.

Savvy Dear Diary What can I say? I am pretty sure my marriage is over. After that night Brian called me a selfish beаch, he came home with flowers, and apologized hours later. I didn’t know where he went. Maybe his mothers or a bar. But we didn’t talk about what happened at all. The next day, he acted like nothing had happened, and we went about our regular routine. For a week, things were back to normal. We worked, had dinner together, he even mа'de love to me, and it was wonderful. There were no texts from Emmy or Sherry. I thought things were getting back on track. Then o*******t at dinner I broached the subject of children. Before Sherry moved in, he was begging me all the time. Asking me if we could start a family. He hadn’t said anything lately, so I thought I would tell him I was ready. It didn’t go how I thought it would, nope, it sure didn’t. ******************************************************************************* “Babe, I think I am ready to start a family,” I said to Brian, as we ate dinner. He looked up at me and put his fork down. “Why now?” “Well, I was going to tell you on our anniversary, but that just didn’t happen at the time. You were busy with Sherry and Emmy.” “Jesus not this again. I thought you were over this. Why would I want to have a child with someone like you right now? All you have been doing is complaining about Sherry and Emmy, who, by the way, haven’t contacted me in over a week. I think I hurt their feelings. I told Sherry I needed to spend some time with you, and to please give me some space.” “You had to tell our next door neighbor that you needed to spend time with your wife? Do you even hear yourself right now? You are treating me like I’m some burden. Is that what I am to you, Brian? Is your mistress pissed that you needed to spend time with your wife?” “Mistress? Seriously Savanna. I haven’t fked Sherry.” “Yet,” I said, snarkily. He glared at me and pushed away from the table. Once again he slammed out of the house, but instead of taking off in his truck, he fking went next door. I was livid. He went to another woman after we fought. I was done. I can’t stand this anymore. I went over to her house and banged on her door. She opened it with a flourish. “Savvy, please, Emmy is sleeping.” “I don’t give a f**k. Where is my husband?” “I’m right here,” he said. I looked in, and he was sitting on her couch like he belonged there. “You need to come home.” “I don’t think so. I can’t stand to be around you right now.” I looked at Sherry when he said that, and she looked at me triumphantly. The pain in my chest was unbearable. I felt tears come to my eyes, but no way was I going to let them fall in front of her. He finally looked away from the t.v. and looked at me. I don’t know what he saw, but his face paled, but he didn’t say anything. I looked at him, and just nodded. Then I turned around and went home. Like a robot, I just went upstairs, got a backpack and shoved some clothes into it. Then I grabbed my wallet and his truck keys and left the house. I didn’t even bother locking it up. I started his truck. I waited to see if he would come out, but I guess he was too preoccupied with Sherry. I backed the truck out and started to drive. I let the tears fall. I started to sob. I had to pull the truck over because I couldn’t see through my tears. My marriage is over. He couldn’t stand being around me. I cried a little more, and then I got myself under control. I had to work in the morning, but no way was I staying at home. I’d see him tomorrow, if he bothered to show. I went to my mother-in-law's house. When she opened the door and saw me, she sighed and opened her arms. I fell into them and cried on her shoulder. “Tell me what happened,” she said, as she guided me to the couch. “I told him that I thought I was ready to start a family. He asked why now? And when I told him that I was going to tell him on our anniversary, but he got preoccupied with that woman and her child, he blew up at me. He told me he told her he needed space to spend time with me. Mama, he said he needed space from her to spend time with me, his wife. So I accused her of being his mistress, and he stormed out. But he went to her house mama. And when I went over there to confront him, he told me he couldn’t stand me right now,” I said, breaking into sobs again. “Oh, my poor girl. I don’t know what’s gotten into my son. I know he has a thing about single mothers, but he is neglecting his marriage. I will talk to him.” “No, please. The last time you did, he called me a selfish beаch.” She gasped, her worried face turning to a look of horror. “I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. “Well, tonight you’re going to stay here. Go upstairs and take a bath. Have you told your parents anything?” “Are you kidding me? My father would fly in from Spain and kill him for making me cry. No, I haven’t told them anything. I don’t want them to worry. And even though it seems like Brian doesn’t love me anymore, I still love him.” “He loves you, he’s just confused. Maybe all you two need is some space. Go on, go take a bath.” I nodded, and went to do as she said. I checked my phone after I got out of the bath. Nothing, no texts or calls. Did he even know that I had left? Was he still at Sherry’s? What were they doing? My mind was in a tailspin with worry. Images of them kissing and fking went through my head, and I broke down again. Why was this happening to us? Why did this woman and her child have to come into our lives? Why, why, why! I climbed into bed and stared up at the ceiling. I knew I needed to get some sleep, I was going to look like s**t in the morning. I have several clients tomorrow, and I hate canceling on them. They paid good money for my services. I tossed and turned all night until eventually I fell asleep. I had a nightmare of walking in on Brian and Sherry in our bed, their limbs tangled together as he thrvsted into her. Their moans pierced me in the heart. Their declarations of love to each other. I was falling apart in my nightmare. They both looked at me, still mа'king love. Him telling me I was a selfish beаch and that he would never have children with me. She laughed, telling me that I was pathetic for not hanging on to my man, and thanking me for how easy it was to take him. I awoke with a gasp when my alarm shrilled. I picked up my phone and shut it off. I looked to see if Brain had reached out and was surprised when I saw several text messages. Brian: Where are you? Brian: Savvy this isn’t funny. How am I supposed to get to work in the morning? Maybe Sherry could take you. I thought unhappily. Brain: You’re acting like a child. I can’t believe you would do this to me. Brain: I called my mother, and she told me you were there. Why are you at my mother's? Stop bringing our problems to her. Brian: Fine, I guess I’ll just uber it to work. We’ll talk later. Tears fell down my cheeks. No, I’m worried. No, I love you. No, I’m sorry. I guess I’ll see how today goes. When I walked into work, there was no time to talk to Brian. I had a client waiting for me. All through the day, I had client after client, and then I did my own workout routine. Brian had been busy all day too. I couldn’t look at him. I knew if I did I would break down. My clients didn’t pay me to neglect them. Finally, the day was over. I looked for Brian so we could maybe go out to dinner and talk. I couldn’t find him. I walked into the office to find a note. Had to go help Sherry. Emmy's sick. We will talk when you get home. We need to work this out. He left me, he fking left me to go help that beаch out. I was fuming. It was time I sat down with myself. I needed to think about what I wanted to do, not what I needed to do for my sanity. Will I stay in this marriage? Technically, I have no proof that he’s cheated on me. I’ve just been neglected. Am I willing to throw away four years of being together and three years of marriage?